Fun little fact about me: I used to run a matchmaking business in high school. Guys used to pay me a bit so that I could score them dates with girls and throughout my blessed, gay life I got good at knowing some key, basic things that straight men completely miss. If you're a guy who happens to like ladies and seem to fail at approaching them because try as you might they just don't seem to respond, well, here you go.
That being said, this is for the guys that actually want to learn and need help with how to approach a girl. I know there are a bunch of you with an unspoken SOS sign tattooed to your forehead.
1. BE CONFIDENT
For all of this, confidence is needed. Be confident. Breathe. If there are silent gaps in the conversation, the more at ease you are, the less awkward it is and the more successful it is prone to be. It is natural for there to be pauses in conversation. That’s how it works. Don’t spew word vomit. It’s a bad look and it makes you look more nervous than you actually are.
2. BE OPEN TO REJECTION
Rejection is hard. It is freaking awful. But the more you come to terms that it could go either way, you start building thick skin and realize that it does not say anything about you as a man. It does not determine how much of a man you are. It only means that one woman out of hundreds in your 10 mile radius was not interested.
3. SELF-CARE IS IMPORTANT
Put effort into the way you look. You have to give a damn. Ever heard of first impressions? Yeah. They do count. If you’re approaching a girl but smell like you haven’t done laundry in ages, didn’t put deodorant on, or your mouth smells like a trash can, don't be surprised if you're rejected—but also don’t go the route of spraying a whole cologne bottle on yourself, that’s also a turn off. Shower. If you can’t grow a beard, shave, if you can, make sure it is well-kempt. Brush your teeth. And most of all, dress well! Basketball shorts and a jersey are too high school–all you’re communicating is that you and effort are two things that have never really gotten along. You can actually go check out this blog for a Fashion 101
4. ACTUALLY NOTICE HER
I know you’re prone to want to compliment the parts of her body that look hot. But refrain from doing so, at least at first. An easy one to go with is her smile or her eyes. Don’t go superficial but also do not go super deep with this one, you don’t want to creep her out.
5. SHOW GENUINE INTEREST
Try to find out what gets that glint in her eyes. Introduce yourself with a bit of small talk to break the ice and based on the conversation, see what gets her excited and then encourage her to talk more about that. This requires you to ask questions! There’s nothing more boring and stale than when you're trying to make conversation with a person and they do not ask questions back. It feels like you're pulling teeth. "Yeh" or "Nah" are not valid answers.
6. BE THOUGHTFUL
Whether you slid into her DMs or are interacting in person and it is now time to say goodbye, actually give her the choice to agree or disagree to continue the conversation some other time. It shows you are thoughtful and it doesn’t make her feel like she has to ghost you, but instead can be honest. It’s nice to give people choices. People like choices.
7. ALWAYS STATE INTENT
Always. If you want to talk to her after the convo is done, state it. If you want to get a drink at a bar instead of a club, state it. Always state and be transparent about your intentions no matter how minimal. This helps making you seem more confident, too. And anyone, guy or girl, will always be turned on by confidence. Always (See no. 1).
8. NO DICK PICS
This one always seems like a no-brainer to me, but this happens way too frequently to not deserve a mention. There are times where you can be too confident: DO NOT send her dick pics (unless she requests them). I know you all think your penis is the biggest turn on in this universe, but unless she wants it, it's best to keep it in your pants, away from any cameras or recording devices. They also end up sharing that with me and we laugh about how small it is. Seriously, stop.
9. KEEP IT LIGHT AND FUN
If she’s feeling uncomfortable, let off a little bit. It’s really easy to come on strong because we’re excited about crushing on a person. This one is especially for the dudes that wear their hearts on their sleeve. I commend you for putting yourself out there, but do not share your deepest, darkest fears, family drama, or anything remotely heavy when first meeting someone. The fun in meeting someone new is that it is fresh. Keep it light and easy. You can start opening up yourself little by little the more you get to know a person. Not really because you should be ashamed of anything, but when meeting a new girl telling her that your two younger brothers are already married and you feel pressured, you're also transferring those pressures onto her unknowingly. If she's bold enough, she'll swipe left, in person. Ain't nobody got time for that.
10. "NO" MEANS "NO"
Do not be overtly aggressive. Don’t block her way by putting your arm on a wall, try holding her waist or getting all touchy unless she expressly says yes and actively asks for you to hold her. Don’t think too hard about this one. Seriously, it’s not rocket science. A no is not a maybe. It’s a no. Take everything she says literally. Especially at the beginning.
11. BE YOUR BEST SELF
Last one and the most important one: Be yourself. Always. You won’t be approachable if you are trying to be someone you are not. Before approaching girls, really give thought to what you like and what you don’t like. Get a really good sense of yourself so you can always bring the things that you feel highlight you most to the forefront of a conversation. This, unsurprisingly, also helps with confidence.
P.S - This comes with caveats, of course. If you know you are a sarcastic asshole by nature, try to dial this one down. You can be honest about your sarcasm without being a jerk, ya feel me?
If you have a question or want some advice add it to the comments below or ask us via social media.
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